Herschell Gordon Lewis: The Best and Worst in Copy 2011

ANNUAL CHOICES: THE BEST AND WORST ONLINE AND PRINT CATALOG COPY

This has been an annual chore for a lot of years.

Never has choosing been so difficult. Merchants are becoming both wily and careful, and “schlock” has gone the way of the dodo bird. Those catalogs that have become feeder-mechanisms for their web counterparts seem to have better copy than they did when they were stand-alones.

And online catalogs sometimes don't qualify for best or worst because their formats aren't catalog-ish. They admit a visitor to a side door, and as far as that visitor is concerned it's the only door. So if I'm looking for shoes but might be persuaded by sparkling shirt copy, I'll never see the shirts unless I sneak out and re-enter through another doorway.

The catalog world looks healthy, though. And if you're a copywriter looking for defective copy so you can make a pitch for rewrites, this is a tough year. “Best” and “worst” are relative, and the dividing line is wavy and murky.

OK, that's one disclaimer. Another is even more obvious — I don't see every catalog every company ever prints. With those provisos at hand, let's take a look — and I'll tell you before you tell me: These are just one guy's opinions.

Best, No. 1:
ISABELLA

This catalog could serve as a textbook for those writers who want to compare their output with the upper level. Products aren't ordinary, and a “President's note,” increasingly rare in the web era, points out that “there's not a single ‘copywriter’ amongst us.” Whoever you are, you have an admirer here.

Note how the copy sets, plants and exploits its intended mood. A heading, “Stiffness and Pain Got You Down?” (note also how initial caps damage both mood and impact) leads to a single-paragraph copy block that in most catalogs would be considered too long. Just the beginning:

“Last spring, I decided to take up tennis. With the unbridled enthusiasm of an older Maria Sharapova (much older), I found my calling — at least at first. I soon made some new friends: an acupuncturist, physical therapist, and chiropractor. I'd have to say my ‘best’ new friend is Dr. Singha and his indispensable Mustard Rub….”

Best, no. 2:
HEARTLAND AMERICA

Here's a catalog whose ebullience and “grabber” benefit-laden copy hits home in both the printed and web versions. Benefits and bargains are specific, not generalized, and that has to generate the buying impulse. After just looking at the description of a digital music keyboard, I had to yank my hand back from the phone.

Note the way headlines combine uniqueness with benefit:

“Even during a storm, you can enjoy glare-free, bright ‘sunlight’ everyday!” (Hey, copywriter, it's “every day,” but I'm still including it.)

“The same quality classic leather coat you've seen in department stores. The difference? The price!”

“Tee off with this nitrogen powered driver risk-free for 60 days. If it doesn't add 10-20 yards to your drives, we'll buy it back!”

If you haven't seen this catalog, you'll have to take my word that text reinforces the headline claims. This is disciplined, psychologically-apt 21st century copywriting.

Best, no. 3:
HOME TRENDS

This catalog understands the benefit of benefits. Every heading declares “Benefit” loudly and clearly. Just a few examples, which competitors whose sales are declining might inspect and duplicate:

“You Won't Have to Squint to See the Time”…“Guide Your Head & Neck Into Perfect Alignment”…“Wind Up Loose Cords”…“Keep Your Private Info Private!”…“Instantly Alarm 8 Windows or Doors.”

Oh, yes, this catalog still succumbs to the ancient initial caps technique and uses the obsolete ampersand. That it's included anyway is a tribute to creativity, not to form.

Best, no. 4:
HOTTERUSA.COM

This one is dicey because a visitor has to get past the home page to appreciate the superior copy. I'm cheating a bit, because the printed catalog (it's a U.K. import, so properly the word is “catalogue”) doesn't make us wait to sample the quietly brilliant descriptions. But we're in the year 2012, and we have to assume that many prospects never see the printed catalog.

Best, no. 5:
HARRIET CARTER

Here's a catalog that proves with every issue — product doesn't have to be hifalutin for copy to be superior.

Descriptions could be a textbook for combining benefit, clarity and bargain. That happy combination applies to a plethora of items priced below $10, as well as to the few items priced above $30.

Equally impressive is that this catalog has a heavy number of items on each page and yet doesn't over-squeeze a description.

Enough happy talk. Let's morph from Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde and look at some catalogs that might (opinion) have had more octane in their copy.

Necessary disclaimer: Com-ments that don't apply: Terrible.Unprofessional. Wrong. Schlocky. No, no, they're all commercially acceptable. What downgrades them here is simply a comparison with the top contenders.

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