Sticking my head into the lion's mouth

Every year it gets harder.

No, it doesn't get harder because we have fewer catalogs. It gets harder because it's more difficult to isolate catalogs that are demonstrably better or worse than others. And the number of available media has increased.

Some print catalogs are falling like leaves. They are either switching to an entirely online presence or are issuing less frequently or are reducing size or are discontinuing altogether.

Those declines may or may not be related to the worth of the individual catalog. Each field of interest, consumer or business, has its own competitive barbed wire.

More Web catalogs demand personal information before even disclosing what they're selling. Is this effective marketing in a tough and highly competitive environment? Those catalogers think it is. (I don't.)

Okay, ready for an argument? Here are this year's choices.

BEST, NO. 1:
Magellan's and magellans.com

I feel guilty listing Magellan's in the Top Five again. Year after year I've included it somewhere, and eventually I have to wean myself of being this cataloger's unpaid acolyte.

Not encountering the space limitations of print, the online catalog extends its sweep to many more items. But the descriptive talent doesn't flag.

An example from the printed catalog, for “Pack-It Cubes”: The heading “How to avoid the rummaging of Airport Security…” leads into copy, which begins “…and organize all your small, easy-to-lose pieces of clothing and other gear, too.” Typical of copy in this catalog, benefit trumps elements.

BEST, NO. 2:
Sierra Trading Post

What grabs me is the ability of this catalog's copywriters to add benefit to the descriptive mix.

A women's microfiber trench coat starts with, “The velvety microfiber in this full-length trench coat is so accepting of color dyes, it won't fade from its gorgeous, dark night color … not even after machine washing.”

A men's sweater starts with, “The finished look of a sweater outside, the breathable warmth of a fleece inside, and a dignified berber fleece collar lining for extra comfort.”

Nothing spectacular here, just solid selling copy that never goes overboard — and therefore doesn't generate returned merchandise.

BEST, NO. 3:
Soft Surroundings

Here's another catalog aimed at the distaff side, so my appreciation is intellectual rather than emotional.

What lifts this catalog above the milieu of similar catalogs is the elegant, rhapsodic tone of its copy. For “Silk Velvet Poet's Shirt,” the first descriptive lines:

“Whether your evening calls for caviar and champagne or bagels and Browning, indulge your romantic nature. Slip into our exclusive silk velvet poet's shirt. Beautifully hand-detailed with gently scalloped cuffs, covered buttons and a flattering hand drape….”

BEST, NO. 4:
R. Crusoe & Son

Including this catalog as one of the best may be unfair, since R. Crusoe has an implicit advantage: It's practically all copy. Describing travel destinations, both mundane and exotic, the word that lifts the descriptions above the commonplace is “readable.”

A trip titled, “The Ageless Inspiration of Normandy, 8 Days,” begins, “Put simply, we love Normandy (and we still wonder why William the Conqueror left for England in the first place).”

Visualize that copy without the parenthetical phrase and we have a blah beginning. With that phrase we have to read on.

Each description stimulates a “Gotta see that.” In the midst of a pitch for Turkey is “Spend a fascinating evening with whirling dervishes, who spin themselves into trances, arms embracing the sky. After they've finished, we ask them what all that twirling is about.”

BEST, NO. 5:
Orvis “Ultimate Gift Guide”

Whoever writes copy for Orvis knows his or her market. Copy aims like a laser at those most likely to consider the item being described.

Suppose you were writing about a bed for older dogs. Would you have headed it as clearly as “Super absorbent therapeutic bolster bed,” stating a problem and then quickly solving the problem? Would you have begun the copy as this writer does, to have heads nodding yes? “Your older dog deserves to be comfortable. As your dog ages, joint pain and incontinence often become problems.”

A women's wash-and-wear shirt, “Wrinkle-free cotton pinpoint shirt,” could have had many first lines, but how many would be as clearly convincing as: “Silky smooth, luxurious pure cotton emerges from the dryer with a just-pressed appearance.”

Nothing particularly magical here, just copy that quickly convinces.

Enough happy talk. Let's morph from Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde and look at some catalogs that might (opinion) have had more octane in their copy.

WORST, NO. 1:
Nespresso.com

This is a sticky wicket. Nespresso.com is a highly sophisticated, heavily produced Web catalog. My wife is a constant customer. So what's wrong?

My wife is also a constant complainer that the site is too hard to crack. Getting into Fort Knox is easier.

Several problems: 1) Can't get prices without a second click, so can't make impulse buy. 2) Have to figure out how to order something, which kills spontaneity. 3) Find out belatedly: can't order unless you sign up. Conclusion: An exercise in pompous production rather than salesmanship.

WORST, NO. 2:
The Territory Ahead

Hey, “worst” doesn't mean “terrible” here. What drove me to include this catalog on the bad list was some of the wording, which obfuscates rather than clarifies. There's a Core Leather Vest. What's “Core” leather? Unexplained.

There's a Home Range Coat. What about this coat suggests or explains Home Range? There's Compleat Leather Sport Coat. I haven't seen “Complete” spelled that way since college-level reading of Izaak Walton's “The Compleat Angler,” published in 1653. This sport coat is goatskin, which complicates the possibility of clarity.

The merchandise seems superior. The headings sometimes puzzle.

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