backword

Yeah. We need that

Who says office supplies catalogs aren't funny? OK, most people, but perhaps they need to take a look at Stooples, a parody catalog of the office supplies giant Staples. The catalog of “office tools for hopeless fools” promotes corporate problem-solving products, such as the Expense Account Lie Detector Kit, the Spinoff Dreidel (“Your subsidiaries are all turkeys, so which one should you spin off?”), and the Conference-Call Sense-Maker. We'll say one thing for the folks behind Stooples: They did a decent job crafting fake catalog copy. A few of our favorite copy blocks:

Pocket Shredder: “Inconspicuously lets you destroy sensitive documents even while lawyers are present. Clip-on device attaches inside trouser pocket, empties down pant leg into sock….”

Middle-Finger Conference Call Detector: “Who hasn't participated in an audio conference call and believed some of the participants were being less than respectful?… Also picks up eye-rolling, extra-long tongue extensions, even mooning!…A must for those who demand information they can do nothing about.”

Annual Report Crossword Puzzle: “Perfect for companies in Chapter 11, hides losses while amusing shareholders. Our clever staff of wordsmiths finesses your difficulties into a series of horizontal and vertical puzzles. Pass them out at annual meetings with no. 2 pencils and duck embarrassing questions…”

TV's first daughter a Posh Tot

ABC's new hit series Commander in Chief, which stars Geena Davis as the first female president, wanted to outfit the set of the fictional first daughter's room with an elegant but all-American look. So the show's production designer turned to Richmond, VA-based upscale children's decor cataloger Posh Tots for pastel-hued furnishings such as chenille chairs, rose lamps, and other “ultra-girly” accessories. Posh Tots is no stranger to Hollywood, counting long-running sitcom Friends and the film Stuart Little 2 among its credits; the company also boasts a host of real-life celebrity clients. Good for Posh Tots, but we think it would be great if the cataloger could one day count a real female president among its customers.

Beer shirts a buzz-kill for J.C. Penney

Perhaps times have changed since we were students, but T-shirts with beer logos are no longer considered back-to-school items. In fact, Plano, TX-based general merchandiser J.C. Penney was besieged with angry letters from alcohol-industry watchdogs and parents after one of its sale catalogs promoted beer-logo-embossed Ts as back-to-school fare. Even some of the beer companies that turned up in the catalog distanced themselves from the marketing. For its part, Penney admitted that advertising the T-shirts as back-to-school items was a mistake. “We certainly understand parents' concerns, and we don't want to associate ourselves with promoting alcohol to youths,” said Penney spokesperson Daphne Avila. Addressing concerns that parents had also discovered the shirts displayed in the young mens' departments of Penney stores, Avila said that the company's 1,020 stores had been instructed “to reposition the shirts more within our mature men's department.” We're not sure that wearing a beer shirt means kids will drink beer (or that grown men who wear beer-logo Ts should necessarily be classified as “mature”), but we support whatever it takes to keep students off the sauce. Remember, kids: Drinking beer did not make Bud wiser.

CONTACT US…

E-mail: mdowling@primediabusiness.com Phone: 203-358-9900 Fax: 203-358-5823 Letter: 11 River Bend Drive South, Stamford, CT 06907 or visit us on the Web at www.MultichannelMerchant.com