My annual best and worst Feb 1, 2008 12:00 PM
, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
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NEWS STORIES ARE LOADED WITH DEMANDS from various “advocacy” groups that catalogers abandon their printed catalogs and use only online distribution. As avant-garde as these suggestions may be, they're also as premature as suggesting book publishers no longer bind books but issue them only on the Web. Will these folks settle for recycled paper? A better suggestion is that they weigh the benefit injected into the catalog universe by each medium. This year, in slathering over the job I most enjoy — criticizing the creative output of others — my conclusion is that print isn't about to become obsolete and Web isn't about to be ignored. The usual disclaimers are in place: First, these are my opinions, and for those opinions the buck stops here. Second, as befits this venerable column, comments relate to copy and only to copy. So with that understanding, let's get under way.
BEST No. 1
Grandin Road
I've never been quite sure whether the name of this catalog is one word or two, or whether it's upper or lower case. No matter. Copy is universally superb and benefit-laden to the point of inspiring.
Suppose your job is to describe a Nativity Set made of polyresin. Could you have matched this heading? The beauty of hand-carved stone, minus the fragility.
Note the multiple sales points crammed into this heading: Richly patterned Topaz Rug shrugs off food, fur, and even red wine.
Space obviously limits some descriptions, but clarity usually doesn't suffer. A minor glitch: The entire copy-block for a rolled-paper gift wrap cutter doesn't explain where we get the “ream” of paper, a term most of us associate with flat-cut sheets.
End the gift-wrap struggle. Our sturdy steel Gift Wrap Cutter holds up to one ream of paper, makes a clean cut, and eliminates the need for scissors. 30"W × 2"D × 8"H. 4 lbs. USA.
The writer comes back with a classic in perfectly tailored copy for wine glasses. The total description: Thin-stemmed Shatterproof Wine Glasses capture the look of crystal without the worries. The only delicate thing about our polycarbonate stemware is the way it looks — like real crystal. Bullet-proof durability that won't stain or change color. Top-rack dishwasher safe. In 11-oz. White Wine or 15-oz. Red Wine sizes. Choose both and be ready for any vintage!
BEST No. 2
Coldwater Creek
What an incredible fusion of salesmanship, poetry, and ultimately descriptive precision the writer blends into this description of a woman's sweater: Like a child's mussed hair, this crinkled top with ruffly neckline has an impetuous charm. A sewn-in tank underscores the semi-sheer polyester. Scalloped hem, wrists. Machine wash. Imported.
Here's another rhetorical gem, for a leather jacket. Could you have matched this “grabber” first line, then moved as effortlessly into specifics?
The luster may be borrowed from forged bronze. But the lissome jacket here is utterly soft, pliant leather. A stand collar and zippered front balance the curvy silhouette. Fully lined. Professional leather clean. Imported.
BEST No. 3
Lands' End
Year after year, issue after issue, the Lands' End catalog sets a steady pace for clarity and benefit. Now and then we see pedestrian copy, such as, for a cashmere sweater, “New! Our luxurious Cashmere Cowlneck surrounds her in nothing but the finest,” but such departures are so few they're lost in the warm salesmanship of descriptions such as this one, under a big bright “Dependable warmth” heading with the subhead “The waterproof, breathable Goose Down Commuter.” Note how the description grabs you (I'm reprinting just the first half):
Men's and Women's. Ever stood on a blustery train platform during January in Chicago? Brrr! Those cold commutes led to this coat: packed with 650 fill power goose down, it's warm, waterproof, windproof and breathable (thanks to Aqua-Check® technology). The mid-calf length keeps legs warm, and the coat is windproof, with sealed seams to keep out water…
As two bonuses, this catalog doesn't use initial caps and does use models who look like people.
BEST No. 4
Filson
Many, even in our exalted catalog world, don't know Filson, although the company's history dates back to 1897. We can assume that the survival of this highly targeted catalog — aimed at men who spend lots of time outdoors in harsh weather and who, in the cover's words, “Might as well have the best” — stems from steadfast aiming at that specialized group of targets.
The inside-the-cover copy begins with an 1897 quote by Clinton C. Filson. (Who can argue its authenticity?) “We guarantee every item purchased from us. No more, no less. Your satisfaction is the sole purpose of our transaction.”
“Might As Well Have The Best” is on the pitchy side because of its initial caps, but we don't tamper with a 110-year-old slogan. Major items have callouts, increasingly rare and therefore increasingly valuable in an upscale catalog with a narrow aim.
The description of a $265 field jacket: (Note how it avoids both conviviality — using “it is” rather than “it's” for example — and any suggestion of emotion that might lead to a “They're trying to sell me” complaint.) OIL FINISH Tin Cloth Field Jacket Loaded with features, it stands up to the toughest field conditions. This jacket wears like armor. Made from Filson's legendary Oil Finish Tin Cloth, it is designed for general field use or upland hunting, yet offers plenty of practical features for any outdoor activity. It features a warm, Mackinaw Wool-lined collar with a stand-up snap tab, a snap storm flap, a draw-cord waist and hem, adjustable inner cuffs and an interior zippered security pocket. The body is partially lined with comfortable 100% cotton; sleeves are unlined. Average length in back, 31“. Wipe or brush clean only. Made in the USA of imported cotton and USA wool.
One gets the feeling this is exactly how Clinton C. Filson would have written the words were he around today.
